just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
