her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
