Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize