Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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