How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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