haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I want to have your abortion
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
