she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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