come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
