PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
