Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
