I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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