Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize