I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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