4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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