thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
