Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize