bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
