so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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