I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
