so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
