The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
