I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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