her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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