Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
