So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
