i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
