Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
