Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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