i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
