I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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