Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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