I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
