Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize