Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
