the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
