About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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