I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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