Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
