The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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