Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize