I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
