I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Randomize
