i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
