Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
