Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Found your dick twin last night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
