I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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