It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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