i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How external is "for external use only"?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
