Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She even gives head with a lisp.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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