Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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