i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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