at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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