Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
