I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Randomize
