She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
