you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
