I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
