Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
