Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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