I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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