yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
